Week 15: 178 lbs

Ok, so that whole "do it for 14 days to become a habit" thing must be true, because I haven't, and it isn't.

But I am far more active than I have been lately, and to my thinking "active" is almost as good as "exercising," right? I mean, it's better than the butt-shaped indentation on my couch deepening. And I am constantly aware of my activity level, and trying to keep it up. When given the choice of the closest parking spot, or the elevator, I park farther away and take the stairs. Small things, I know, but things.

I took a walk around the U of M campus yesterday, because the weather was so nice and I was there anyway. It was great. I was on my feet for the majority of time between 10:30 am and 8:30 pm, walking and carrying stuff, or standing. Not cardio, but at least calorie-burning. And I was very tired afterward, so I call that a victory.

The thing is, I feel thinner, in that my pants are looser, my shirts hang better, and I am able to move up another notch in my belt. To hell with the scale, I'm getting thinner!

Week 14: 178 pounds

Spring break was last week, thus the lack of posting. In fact, a general lack of doing anything. I can't afford to do much right now anyway, so I just stayed around home and hung out.

Conveniently enough, home is where my exercise equipment is, so I devoted time every day of spring break to working out. I missed one day, but I'm still doing much better than any of my previous efforts. I was pretty proud of myself for seeing it through despite my desire to just sit around, and I have to admit I felt better after each workout.

So what the Hell is up with my weight? One pound?? ONE lousy pound!? I didn't change my diet at all from my already fairly meager meals, and I stepped up the physical contribution. Perhaps, it is that whole "muscle weighs more than fat" thing, but it's not like I'm bulking up!

Whatever. I guess at least I am still heading in the right direction. They say you have to do a thing for 14 days in a row for it to become a habit. I'm working on it...

Week 12: 179 pounds

I'm out of the 180's, which is nice! And I'm out of sync with my dates too. Since my last post was on a Friday instead of a Monday, and today is Wednesday, it's just the way it'll have to be. But I wanted to be able to post something in the 170's, and I can, so I did, and there you go.

Week 11: 180 pounds

Math is not my strong suit, but I know the "week" number keeps going up, and the "pounds" number is staying the same. (Yes, I also see the gap in dates, no need to go there...)

But now that it is getting nice outside, the inevitable truth that I knew already is before me: I wish I had done it back when I started it. That said, I am proud to report that I am once again off the couch and onto the treadmill. I am a little sore, but it is that familiar, good kind of sore.

I reflected a bit on motivation in general, and determined the short-range problem for me, which I have to think is universal: No immediate results.

It's not like going to the barber with long hair, and emerging with shorter hair and a different look. Or a trip to the eyeglasses store to get different frames. Or even a shopping spree for new clothes. The hard fact is that I take a flabby body to the machines, abuse it for a bit, and leave with the same flabby body, now sore and sweaty. No fun, no results, why keep going?

But that's the key in all this. Persistance above all else. It's not freakin' rocket science, but I guess I needed to take a look at the fact that 11 weeks of my life are gone, and I have nothing to show for it. If only I had listened to myself back then, I would be in a better place today.

The kind of change I am going for is not going to just happen because I wish it to, or because I put forth a half-ass effort. And I can make all the excuses for my lack of advancement that I want to, but it doesn't matter. I know better. Now I have to prove it.

And not to you, whoever is reading this. To me. I already know all the self-defeating demotivators that lounge about in my head, and I have to battle them.

Week 8: 180 pounds

Yeah, I know, "What happened to week 7?" With the Monday holiday, my routine was all off and I didn't post. Not like I had any huge progress to report anyway!! So, kinda like my dieting effort, I just put it off.

Here I am, still, the same weight. Eight weeks have passed, and I have nothing to show for it. Had I just sucked it up for those eight weeks, where would I be now? Rhetorical, don't answer...

I know where I'd be, and that's the bugger of it all! If a guy can safely lose 2 pounds a week, I'd be at 164 pounds right now. There's still snow on the ground, and starting from 164 now until spring arrives would be awesome! And I know I could lose more than 2 pounds per week, and would for sure on some weeks, others not so much, but still, I'd be able to safely say "Week 8: 165 pounds".

OK, a crossroads: This revelation could take one of two tacks, the way I see it. The first is that I just get sad, give up, and resolve myself to a life of chubbiness which is not what I want. The second is that I get mad, find motivation, and start here and now with a fresh resolve to do it!

But as I search myself, neither of those two options have a louder voice. I mean, I'm not giving up but I'm not motivated either. I'm not fat, I'm chubby. I don't like it, but I don't hate it. Well, OK I guess I more hate it than like it, but I have spent 43 years toting around extra weight, and I guess I am just used to it.

So this post is not meant as a trumpet fanfare announcing another start, nor is it a withdrawal from the fight.

I'll get back to you.

Week 6: 181 pounds

Well, consistency thy name is me! Not once this week did I do anything athletic. But God will get me for this. It is snowing like a mutha, and won't stop for a couple days, and that means shoveling. Yes! Cardio!!

Of course, I have a 16 year old in excellent shape who can do it too, and what dad in my position wouldn't send him out to do it? Weren't we all sent out by our parents to brave the elements and get that damn driveway down to blacktop full width? Is that just me? I should call my dad...

Anyway, built-in excuse at the ready, I plan to do the shoveling myself. My son has homework anyway (unless there is a snow day; hey, I can wish too!). After the shoveling is done, while I'm all sweaty and tired anyway, would be a good time to hit the ol' treadmill.

Week 5: 182 pounds

Well, at least I'm consistent!

I suck at this! I have become incredibly skilled at finding reasons (excuses) for not working out, and they are air-tight in my head! I know, I know.... and that's the bugger in all this. I DO know!!

What I don't know, is what it will take to make me stick to my commitment. I can do commitments. I've done several: I quit smoking 17 years ago and stayed with it, I have been married for 23 years and stick to that, I keep returning to school to continue advancing my degrees (and avoid repaying my student loans; now looming close to $90,000 including all the accrued interest since my first loan in 1994),... damn, I didn't want to think about that last one.

The point is, I can stick to things. Why can't I stick to this?